Category: Grief

Lost and Found

“The best laid plans of mice and men aft gang agly”….my mother’s often spoken version of a bit of Robert Burns 1785 poem “To a Mouse.” (check out link to original words at end of post)

It is Monday August 31st and I have felt extreme fatigue since Saturday the 29th. Took a covid test a bit ago and it turned up negative. I have lost my energy and here it is at the end of the month and my blog deadline. So, here I go with a slightly muddled brain.

When Dolly Parton died last week I cried off and on throughout the day as I watched news reports. My strong reaction surprised me. I have always been a fan of hers, but her passing is a gut punch ( I hate that phrase, but can’t think of anything more appropriate).

Other losses this past week that have brought tears and anger. The horrific flooding in Nepal brought the tears and the beginning desecration and destruction of Big Bend National Park brought the anger.

I like to be an optimist and look for the good in the world and so that is what I am doing. Amidst the world’s woes and personal stress I take pleasure in the other bits of life that bring us positive energy. So, here are a few found joys:

Toad in our pond. I had about given up on ever seeing one again when one evening I heard a male calling. This went on for 3 nights and then in the morning I found strings of eggs in our pond and this sweetie nearby (momma toad?). Others who have come back after months are the owls. One night I heard a barred owl and the next night I heard a screech owl. Saw a giant luna moth on the back porch and yellow warblers in our trees. These all lift my spirit.

Katydid on Beauty Berry Bush….love the color contrast!

Mexican Petunia from behind

Swallowtail wing underneath

Swallowtail wing top

Cicada emerging from old skin

I am hoping that is me in a few days after shedding this virus and feeling my energy again!

May you find many small joys each day

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43816/to-a-mouse-56d222ab36e33

Embracing Joy And Grief

As March progressed, I anticipated and looked for signs of Spring. I saw many and knew more would be coming…more flowers blooming…birds singing and nesting. But, there was also a gnawing at my soul in the background of the beauty. My mother’s death date approached, March 25th. It has been 15 years since her death and the pain of grief has lessened. But, I want to hug her and share my life with her and I want her to see the physical beauty she left the world. The tears are coming as I write this even though I have been thinking about writing about it for quite a while.

On the other hand, I am glad my mother is not here to see the destruction of our country. She who supported civil rights with her body and soul…she who always rooted for the underdog. She was a proud American and she voted. I’m sure that if she saw the video of the woman being taken away by unidentified men to be locked up and silenced, she would have felt that woman’s fear in empathy.

A couple of days ago, March 29th, I attended a Birthday party for my friend Joan who was turning 80 that very day. This was also my Mother’s birthday. As we sang Happy Birthday to Joan, I was also singing to my mother. My mother’s death was just 4 days before her birthday and as she lay comatose on life support, we had sung Happy Birthday to her.

Okay! Enough grief for now! Here comes the Joy. In my blog posts of April 2019 and March 2021 I shared photos and a few words on one of my mother’s legacies, the lovely purple spiderworts she transplanted from her yard to mine over 20 years ago. From a literal handful of plants to the current abundance of them is one of nature’s miracles. What started as one purple clump in the backyard has now spread all over the yard and into the front yard. And both my brother and my friend Laura have transplanted some from my yard into their yards, where they are now flourishing.

As you look at these photos, remember that a small, positive action can take hold and grow. This is something to remember as we navigate our way through the coming months.

Beauty Among The Rocks

At The Trunk Of The Bur Oak

Near The Rotting Hackberry Stump

Near Philosopher’s Rock

Growing Low To The Ground

Pink Colored With Bee Gathering Pollen

With A Tiny Bee

With A Big Bee

So Pretty!

And there are many more photos of the flowers that I will not publish here…the flowers next to yellow dandelions …some next to orange crossvine blooms…the ones I can see in the front yard outside my office window…the view of them through my kitchen window…

May the natural world give you peace and strength each day. And remember that each positive act you take may grow and spread

Photos by B. McCreary taken in 2025